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onehappymeal

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11, November. 2014 | 01:44 AM

And even as I wrestle with this weakness that is vulnerability, I don’t know if I ever will be that person – the one who wears emotions on their sleeve – and I don’t think I have to be.

I think the world is big enough for those who love loudly and those who do not, and those somewhere in between. For those who don’t love loudly, we give love in the depth of our affection, not in the frequency. Our passion isn’t characterized by the volume in our voice when we’re fighting or yelling or crying; sometimes we remain silent because that’s the only way in the moment we know how to show love. And we don’t walk around with emotions on our sleeves not because they don’t exist, but because we believe they are sacred enough, not to have to share them with just anyone. But this doesn’t mean that our love is any less.

We love just as deeply and powerfully and passionately when we love. I promise you, we do. Sometimes it’s a love you’ll find in quiet glances and almost unnoticeable acts of love. Sometimes it’s a love we can only express with few words, soft words; words that garner their strength from a foundation that is paradoxically both fragile and firm. But mostly it’s a love that though is not loud, is always ferocious, ready to bear anything and everything for those who receive it, in a solitude that we offer to share. So never believe that a love that isn’t loud, is a love that isn’t there. For those who don’t love loudly, our love is quiet but fierce. And our love is always real.

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onehappymeal

x

07, October. 2014 | 04:55 AM

You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.

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Sometimes i still forget that it's 2014

28, May. 2014 | 21:54 PM

Yayyyyy am back from Taiwan!!!!

Glad the trip went well despite the subway slashing incident right upon our arrival *gulps*, cp's ultimate nua-ness and the rainy weather for the first few days. Was initially worried that it'll be weird bcos it's the first time that only two of us are travelling together (and we're really not a couple) but it turned out to be a trip filled with good luck, good timing and inside jokes. This trip actually changed my impression of him!!!! We've been close but i've never got to know him on a one-one basis and cp's actually really detailed and helpful and gentlemanly. Except for the freaking nua part. I haven't told him all these yet in case he flies to the skies hahahaha but I will soon!

So day 1 we arrived at taipei at around 3plus and i asked cp if he wanted t cab or take the sub. He wanted t cab so we did and upon reaching the hotel we saw news of the subway slashing incident which was around the city area where we would pass by if we had taken the subway!! wow. okay .____.

NUAED and we had this damn yummy ma la huo guo for dinner. Wide variety with free flow beer, haagen dazs ice cream and perfectly sliced meat. it was perfect with the rainy weather! After dinner we headed to Club Myst, one of the popular clubs in Taiwan and we both forgot to bring our ICs & passports along! Luckily though after a long search he managed to find a copy of his IC in his phone, and for me it was my SIM student card!!! I never knew my NRIC was on it phew. Totally saved us a long trip back to our hotel and out. Club Myst was really quite good and we just wished Serene & Mingqian were there with us!

Day 2 we made our way to wufenpu!!! By this time I sort of noticed that cp was REALLY GOOD AT NUAING but i didn't make much noise cos it was just 2nd day we can relax a little but.... we actually got out of the hotel at around 2pm??? Mygod it was my first time travelling that I've only left the hotel way past noon! We chanced upon this lu rou fan stall around our hotel area & that meal was really damn fucking goooood. I really feel like my appetite has expanded over this trip.

Wufenpu was where cp's slavery began. Hahahaha he offered t help me carry my loots all the way and he was really patient while I was shopping. Like he didn't rush me or anything or said he wanted t go elsewhere but he wasn't actually giving constructive comments either hahahahah. I can see that his training with his crazy ex-girlfriends has been quite complete!!!

Then we walked to Raohe night market and ate so much street food (while still lugging all my clothes hahahaha) and we played this game stall that gave us a loaded gun of pellets while we shoot balloons off a rotating board at a distant. It was really fun!!!! I beat cp in the first round and he later told me that he was sort of impressed when i did. He actually thought i would fail terribly and miss all the shots. Reallyyyy thanks for having so much faith in me!!!! We then chanced upon this seafood stall and had the freshest best stir-fried oysters and clams ever. I regret not having saved my stomach for more!

There was this weighing machine for our luggages in our hotel lobby and we weighed all my 2nd day loots in. Cp actually lugged 6kg++ with him throughout the day muahahaha i'm really proud of you my slave!

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onehappymeal

April

13, April. 2014 | 03:05 AM

4-up on 23-1-14 at 12.20 AM #5 (compiled)

Hello it's 2 42am right now and i've randomly decided to pen down my thoughts. I haven't had an update on life in ages. Many things have changed in the past one year. I remember praying real hard last December that all i wanted in 2014 is for it to be smooth-sailing & drama-free and really smooth sailing is all I've gotten so far. I've cut down so much on my clubbing/late nights habits that I think the last time I actually went clubbing was in early February? It's a good change i guess, i've been more of a home girl this year but sometimes i can't shake the feeling that my life is no longer as promising/happening as before. Most of my close friends are on exchange for a whole 6months and I'm just here in Singapore with my small, awkward social circle and I wonder if this is really how I'm gonna stick through for the rest of my university life.

Well, it's 24days to my first paper, I'm no where near prepared and still wasting time like a boss. All along i've never been the conscientious type, i've always been more of a last burst kind of student. This year I really tried starting early and i'm not lost in any of the mods but not confident yet either. I need to stop wasting my time daydreaming and really get on with my life.

On an exciting note, i'm finally going to taiwan!!!!!! I've always wanted to go taiwan for the longest ever and while studying, i really felt the pure desperation that i need to book a ticket to somewhere, anywhere after my exams. I can't take the idea of staying in singapore for the whole of my next few months of holidays, i'll go fucking nuts. Somehow, after booking the tickets I had this fear that maybe i've made a really rash decision (forever impulsive) but the tickets are already booked and i'm hoping everything will turn out fine and the trip would be what i needed to eliminate all the negativities that have happened so far.

So i'll be travelling the very next day after my paper and i really can't wait. VACAY VACAY VACAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

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080313

14, March. 2014 | 22:13 PM

great grandma. i'll always remember the warmth you showed us, how you'll flash us the kindest of smiles and that slight nod while we greet you loudly from steps away. how your eyes lit up when you saw us. you were always curious about mom's bag or if you noticed any glittery jewellery we were wearing, you'll ask where did we buy them from and then tell us that it's pretty and you'll be smiling the warmest kind of smiles. a year ago you asked mom 'who is this' while pointing to me, and you say that i don't look like any of them and proceed to ask mom if she bought me when i was younger. you were a joy to us, how gentle you spoke and how generously you loved each one of us no matter what. you will be well remembered and i hope you find peace on the other side... i pray that you are already reunited with great grandpa and may you rest in peace. thank you for being a part of my life.

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x

27, February. 2014 | 15:22 PM

The first cut is the deepest but the rest still flipping hurt
You build your heart of plastic
Get cynical and sarcastic
And end up in the corner on your own

Cause I'd love to feel love but I can't stand the rejection
I hide behind my jokes as a form of protection
I thought I was close but under further inspection
It seems I've been running in the wrong direction

There's fish in the sea for me to make a selection
I'd jump in if it wasn't for my ear infection
Cause all I want to do is try to make a connection
It seems I've been running in the wrong direction

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This is all I need

07, January. 2014 | 01:31 AM

suddenly reminded that nothing else matters- family love is still the best :) people who believe in you, support you and will never doubt you even through all the times they watch you screw up.

i think teaching tuition has made me love kids/know how to play/communicate with them more. i love how ridiculous and crazy they act like little tyrants hehe. today didi pointed at me and said im 'funny girl' cos i kept making faces at him. didi smiles like this ^v^ it's so cute and innocent and i wish i could be as easily contented and happy as him. today he ran off by himself!! to steal marshmallows by the fondue (that's too high for him) and imitated his sister while marching behind her. so cuteee

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(no subject)

04, April. 2013 | 22:55 PM

tumblr_m30rqyc7mJ1qeuyelo1_500

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I'm trying to love you

22, June. 2012 | 20:54 PM

Cristina: Burke... was... He took something from me. He took little pieces of me, little pieces over time, so small I didn't even notice, you know? He wanted me to be something I wasn't, and I made myself into what he wanted. One day I was me, Cristina Yang, and then suddenly I was lying for him, and jeopardizing my career, and agreeing to be married and wearing a ring, and being a bride. Until I was standing there in a wedding dress with no eyebrows, and I wasn't Cristina Yang anymore. And even then, I would've married him. I would have. I lost myself for a long time. And now that I'm finally me again, I can't. I love you. I love you more than I loved Burke. I love you. And that scares the crap out of me because when you asked me to ignore Teddy's page, you took a piece of me, and I let you. And... that will never happen again.

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onehappymeal

My favorite part:

22, April. 2012 | 23:31 PM

"I was just thinkin’ about the first time we went to that Greek restaurant in the corner. There was this big banner sayin’, “no certain soup.” I just, go on and on about, all that, obstacles that the owner must’ve overcome to Jesus life long dream serving soup. And then, and when I was finished, she hasn’t said anything for a few seconds, she, she’s a, she just sort of inhaled it. And I was told by her herself, I love you. And she’s all in there, the first time she had said it and I didn’t want to respond, it’s just that I want to keep hearin’ it.

That was two weeks after I met her. That’s how long it took before. She doesn’t love me now."

(Leo, The Vow)

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Lost in translation

27, November. 2011 | 18:09 PM

"Sometimes, the power takes a turn in things and the words don’t come out right. I gather them in my head and it is as if when they departed from my lips, a virus had them altered and the message you’ve received was completely distorted. Sometimes, this barrier of words, an army of alphabets strung together, it disrupts a kind of communication which is true and simple. Those times, I doubt their use and find myself biting my tongue instead. There is a subtle state of knowing and connection which cannot be fulfilled by any amount of words. It cannot be translated in any conversation on any types of platforms. You just have to be in the moment and let it fill you up."
-Lisa Low, Fever Avenue

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onehappymeal

-

21, September. 2011 | 22:49 PM

"Tikkun olam," repeat.
"Exactly. Basically, it says that the world has been broken into pieces. All this chaos, all this discord. And our job- everyone's job- is to try to put the pieces back together. To make things whole again."
"And you believe that?" I ask. Not as a challenge. As a genuine question.
She shrugs, then negates the shrug with the thought in her eyes. "I guess I do. I mean, I don't know how the world broke. And I don't know if there's a God who can help us fix it. But the fact that the world is broken- I absolutely believe that. Just look around us. Every minute- every single second- there are a million things you could be thinking about. A million things you could b worrying bout. Our world- don't you just feel we're becoming more and more fragmented? I used to think that when I got older, the world would make so much more sense. But you know what? The older I get, the more confusing it is to me. The more complicated it is. Harder. You'd think we'd be getting better at it. But there's just more and more chaos. The pieces- they're everywhere. And nobody knows what to do about it. I find myself grasping, Nick. You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it's right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe in that."

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(no subject)

01, September. 2011 | 23:17 PM

"We can't help ourselves, we see a line we want to cross it. Maybe it's the thrill of trading the familiar for the unfamiliar, a sort of personal dare, only problem is, once you have crossed it's almost impossible to go back."

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onehappymeal

-

22, July. 2011 | 00:00 AM

Locked

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onehappymeal

And just exist.

12, February. 2011 | 12:56 PM

"I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn’t have a god, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn’t make for an interesting person. I didn’t want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone."

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onehappymeal

Pushing Daisies

29, January. 2011 | 00:30 AM
Mood: peacefulpeaceful
Music: Mayday Parade - Three Cheers for Five Years

Chuck: I can’t even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
Ned: I’m not a big fan of the hug,
Chuck: Then you haven’t been hugged properly. It’s like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again.

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